wait. hold up. daniel didn’t die because of regina. a lot of other people died because of regina, but not daniel. daniel died because snow didn’t keep the secret, and cora chose to kill him. not regina. regina didn’t cause his death.
regina feels guilty for daniel’s death, as we can see here. she believes, as we can surmise, that simply by loving him she caused his death. it is development that she’s gone from blaming snow to blaming herself, but can we like. stop deeming this as positive development. regina is literally blaming herself for something she did not do. but feels responsible, because he chose to love her. she feels responsible for his choices.
i don’t feel like i’m explaining this well, but something about praising this character development as positive doesn’t feel right. it feels like agreeing with the fact that regina caused daniel’s death. please correct me if i’m wrong in assuming that was what’s going on here.
it’s regina taking on responsibility for something she did not do while apparently snow gets off scott-free for her involvement and that is something that is. not. okay. this is not healthy for regina. she cannot and should not take on the burdens and responsibilities of others because taking the blame for this, believing that she is responsible for daniel’s death, that is harmful for regina.
you wanna know who is responsible? cora. and snow. because snow decided she knew better about regina’s life than regina did and told cora that secret. cora ripped out daniel’s heart. the only thing regina ever did to daniel was love him. regina blaming herself is not positive character development at all. in fact, this being shown as something positive and then being applauded is disgusting.
Forgetting even Snow’s hand in this for a second (i don’t absolve her but keeping her out of the equation for a second), this is a victim of child abuse who believes one of the most debilitating lies an abuser tells the person they abuse: that they brought it on themselves. That the victim is responsible for their own pain and suffering. So, Regina will literally blame herself before she blames her mother
And if you look at the larger pattern of how Regina reacts to Cora’s actions- it’s perfectly keeping in line with all her decisions regarding Cora since she was seventeen where she would do anything to excuse Cora or deny the worst of the abuses.So, it’s not character development, it’s character consistency
and it’s not healthy at all because it directly contributes to Regina’s self loathing that she screws up those who want to love her. And it all tracks back to Cora who didn’t love her right.
Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticizedfiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.
so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex
it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine
i know my shit okay
im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid
knowledge on you right now.
Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.
So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.
Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.
Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.
Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.
Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstand, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.
And this post is going into my bookmarks, because it is beautiful.
What scares me most is the fact that people, misinformed and ignorant people, will now try to enter the community/find play partners with the dangerous ideas of what BDSM is. They won’t respect a sub, they won’t listen.
And that can seriously hurt people. People can DIE.
I am not into any kind of rough play - and yet even I know how ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL this understanding is